Jonathan Something – Outlandish Poetica

I am somewhere in between the silver surfer’s dreams
Of Fantastic-4 erotica and doing something mean
Oh, will someone please just stop me ‘fore I say something obscene
I’m not intending to offend, I’m simply trying to set the scene
So, there I was just walking down the middle of the street
When in flies Larry Bird and the ’86 All Star Team
Yea yeah
I said, hey Larry man, yes it’s been a real long time
He said oh Jonny Baby could you maybe spare a dime? I said I’m sorry Lar’ but I just don’t carry that kind of cash
Not since the great depression and that whole stock market crash
He said okay I understand, I’ve picked up on your clue
and that was that and Larry and the whole team off they flew
Oh ooh oh
So, I just kept on walking 2 or 3 feet at a time
Until I found myself a standin’ where the sun don’t seem to shine
And despite the lack of sunlight the reality was clear
I was currently residing, halfway up somebody’s rear
I yelled up to the heavens and the heavens yelled right back
A monumental roar that knocked me flat out on my ass. Suddenly I’m sitting in the belly of the beast
The beast and all his brothers are just staring back at me
I feel like saying something, but before I get to speak
I’m upside down and bleeding, cut wide open cheek to cheek
They do the sacrificial dance and feed me to the boar
But I come back resurrected 10 times better than before
Now with one eye split wide open and 5 women on one arm
I tell the beastly brothers that I mean no one no harm
I grab my shoes and jacket and start to walk out the door
But then I realize my trousers feel much lighter than before
It must have been my ego that had blinded me to see
That I’d been bested by the one and only number “33”
Larry Bird really pulled the wool over me, uh huh

Jonathan Something – Fine

And I said I’m fine (he’s fine)
I say I’m fine (so fine)
I say I’m fine (he’s fine)
I say I’m fine (so fine)
I say I’m fine. I am falling to pieces in the dugout of my middle school
Bathe the new life and bathing in my own spit and drool
As I break the silence saying to the air, let’s fight
As small child pokes his head in and asks if I am alright
And I said I’m fine (he’s fine)
I said I’m fine (so fine)
I cut my finger on the stem of a martini glass
I held it too hard in one hand and broke it right in half
As I break the silence, saying whoops, Oh, silly me
Somebody call my vampire, he’ll come and lick this blood of me
I said I’m fine (he’s fine)
I say I’m fine (so fine)
I say I’m fine (he’s fine)
I say I’m fine (so fine)
However cold, I feel unhappy when I’m on my way to be
An extraordinary asshole with a bachelor’s degree.

Dilly Dally – I Feel Free

We’ll start again in a moment of silence
Still couldn’t be friends, but I want you to find me when I make sense
Man, ’cause this already hurt you back then
Come, come
Try to stay ’cause this already hurt you
Back then, so far behind you
I feel free, and I want you to find me
I feel free, and I want you to find me
[Instrumental break]
We’ll start again in a moment of silence
Still couldn’t be friends, but I want you to find me when I make sense
Man, ’cause this already hurt you back then
Come, come
Try to stay ’cause this already hurt you
Back then, so far behind you
I feel free, and I want you to find me
I feel free, and I want you to find me
[Instrumental break]

Father’s jumper provides special connection every time daughter plays footy

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Back Roads

By

Fred Hooper

Posted

July 02, 2018 06:32:27

Video: Alex Hall has a special connection to the Scottsdale Football Club

(ABC News)
Related Story:
Map:
Scottsdale 7260
Photo:
Ms Hall has been told she plays like her father and looks like him on the field. (ABC Northern Tasmania: Fred Hooper)
“It’s really important that I play for the Scottsdale Football Club because of the family connection, but I think also for the opportunity to be involved as a woman.”Ms Hall’s father played about 150 games for the Scottsdale Football Club, was a two-time Northern Tasmanian Football Association best and fairest, and won a raft of other awards. “Sometimes it does cross my mind at fleeting moments, ‘What would he think if he was here?'” Ms Hall said.”I think I know that he would be really proud.”When Ms Hall requested number 44 from the club it was more than happy to oblige, and after her father died in 1995, the number holds a special place in her family.”That feeling that I get, and it is a feeling at every game when I put on that jumper wearing number 44, his number, I feel really lucky,” she said.”It’s an honour to wear his number and his jumper and it’s an honour to wear it for the Scottsdale Football Club.”

Photo:
Ms Hall says she has always loved football, but now she loves playing even more. (ABC Northern Tasmania: Fred Hooper)
The Scottsdale Football Club women’s team has been instantly successful, winning the premiership in its first season, but there are still people yet to be convinced by the evolution of the game.”It’s not always roses and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think we’ve just got to keep fighting the good fight,” Ms Hall said.”We still play the same game, we still play the same rules. (ABC Northern Tasmania: Fred Hooper)
As Ms Hall runs around on the ground on a cold night in Scottsdale, a punter yells out that number 44 looks like her father and even has the same hair.”I’ve been told that I am a very similar kind of player. I’ll never be that good because he was quite amazing,” Ms Hall said.”I’ve been told that yes, I run like him, I look like him. We’ve got a varied audience and supporters now and it’s been good to make our club a little more well-rounded,” Ms Hall said.Adding to her own experience, Ms Hall plays alongside a number of women whose fathers also played for the club, and they have formed their own bond as a result. AFLW players giving up everything to compete These women have walked away from their jobs and punished their bodies to take part in the AFLW. She meets communities whose good humour and inventiveness will inspire and uplift. Photo:
Ms Hall has only been playing football for 18 months, and loves it. He was a much better kick than I am but that comes with naturally playing football for quite a long time.”While Ms Hall appreciates the fact she can keep her family tradition alive at the Scottsdale Football Club, there is also a sense the chance arrived a little later than what she would have liked.”I just wish that women’s footy happened for me 10 years earlier because I would have loved the opportunity to play from when I was 16 or 17,” she said.Watch Back Roads on ABC TV 8pm MondayPast episodes or extras are on iView or at www.abc.net.au/backroads

#BackRoadsHeather Ewart returns to the Back Roads of Australia, to discover more resilient country towns and the inspiring people who live in them. It looks a little bit different to men’s footy but we enjoy it.”Women’s matches bring in new supportersNow instead of heading along to the game to watch her friends and family, Ms Hall is playing in the women’s matches, which are usually played before the men’s games.”It brings different people along to the footy as well. When Alex Hall pulls on her jumper for the Scottsdale Football Club it has a special meaning, given the number 44 on her back was also worn by her father and club legend, Jamie Dennis.Football had always been something Ms Hall was interested in and enjoyed watching, but she had never tried the sport for herself.Now she has found her place at the northern Tasmania club that is so important to her family.”It had never really crossed my mind because footy was never really an option which was offered, particularly for girls in our area,” Ms Hall said.

Teens lauded for rescuing drowning bodysurfer

(Supplied: Tomas West)

Map:
Coffs Harbour 2450 Photo:
Woolgoolga teenagers Patrick Monkton and Tomas West said they were in the right place at the right time.
ABC Coffs Coast

By

Meghna Bali

Updated

July 02, 2018 16:53:10
“I was honestly numb. The teenage rescuers of a 71-year-old Melbourne man who broke his neck while bodysurfing at a northern NSW beach have been tracked down and thanked through a local Facebook group.The quick-thinking boys, Tomas West, 16, and his friend Patrick Monkton, 19, carefully placed Colin Barker onto a surfboard and paddled him to shore after he was dumped by a powerful wave.But through the drama of the rescue five weeks ago, Mr Barker did not get the boys’ names of the boys.Moved by the teenagers’ actions, Mr Barker’s daughter Natalie Barker-Dawson reached out on a community Facebook page over the weekend to try and locate them.Within 24 hours, the family was having a heartfelt conversation over Facebook Messenger.”I wanted to thank them for their actions that saved [both] my dad’s life and my family the grief of losing a wonderful father and grandfather,” Ms Barker-Dawson said.Mr Barker and wife Judy even tried offering the teenagers a reward, but both refused. We wouldn’t go out in a bigger swell and heavier swell,” Tomas said.”It did change us for a bit, but now we’re back to our normal selves.”Tomas encouraged people to swim and surf in groups and look out for one another.”I always keep an eye on Pat now, watch him if he catches a bigger wave just to make sure he comes up good,” he said. There were no real thoughts going through my head,” she said.But she said she felt gratitude and love for the two boys who saved her husband.”It’s a brave and courageous thing they’ve done.”

Photo:
Colin Barker will make a full recovery and is currently holidaying with his wife in a caravan (Supplied: Kerrie Van Eeken)
Safety firstSince the incident, the teenagers said they were more cautious on the water.”After it first happened it kind of shook us. We just felt like that’s something anyone would have done in that situation,” Mr Monkton said.Smashed by waveThe incident happened when Mr Barker was vacationing with his wife in the seaside village of Woolgoolga, north of Coffs Harbour.He was enjoying a dip when a powerful wave smacked his head into the sand and smashed four vertebrae in his spinal cord.Mr Barker managed to stand, but not with his neck intact.”My head felt like a big pumpkin sitting on my shoulders,” he said.”I was expecting to die. Photo:
Mr Barker’s daughter reached out to the Coffs Harbour community to help locate her father’s saviours (Facebook: Coffs Harbour Sell Swap and Buy)
“We didn’t feel like we needed a reward for it. I’m looking at life with a different perspective than I used to,” Mr Barker said.Gratitude feltMs Barker said it was not until a few days later the family realised he could have become a quadriplegic. Photo:
An X-ray of Colin’s face and neck after the accident (Supplied: Kerrie Van Eeken)
“We were just surfing for a bit and then I turned around and saw this guy struggling, holding his head all floppy … he looked like he was having a heart attack,” Mr Monkton said.”Everything just happened so fast and he just mumbled the number plate of a caravan and we somehow found it.”Mr Barker was rushed to Coffs Harbour Base Hospital, where doctors said he had to be taken to Newcastle due to the severity of his injuries.His neck was fused in surgery and he is now in recovery with full movement of his arms and legs.”I’ve used eight of my nine lives. I didn’t think I’d survive.”Rushed to hospitalTomas and Mr Monkton were nearby when they saw Mr Barker raising his hands for help.